Tuesday, January 19, 2016

WHAT TO AND WHAT NOT TO TELL YOUR CHILD WHEN A DEATH OCCURS

These One A Days are added to daily.  There are over 1100 stories and commentaries on this blog.  It is added to daily.

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        Click on http://wyrickswritings.blogspot.com to read selected Sermons from over 50 years of Rev. Wyrick's ministry. Below...other recent Sermon Titles


       To view Rev. Wyrick in 4 of his highly acclaimed One Man Dramas  ABRAHAM LINCOLN, BEN FRANKLIN CHARLES WESLEY, MARTIN LUTHER (NBC Special) click on the link below
                   http://www.speakerneil.com/

        Below the thoughts below read a quote from Rev. Wyrick's applauded 9th book THE SPIRITUAL ARAHAM LINCOLN...AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.COM AND ON KINDLE

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        Death creates enough problems without letting denial create a greater one.

        The father of two young boys four and five died.

        The mother, a woman of distinct discipline and control sent them to an aunt so they would not be in the house at the time of the funeral.

        After three weeks, when they returned, no mention was made of their father.  When they inquired about him, they were told he had gone away and to ask no further questions.

        Finding no satisfactory answers they began to make up their own.  Finally, they reached the conclusion that their mother had killed their father and secretly hidden the body.

        They never confided the thought to anyone and so throughout their childhood and adolescence, they harbored these terrible visions of their mother as a murderess.

        The older brother began to imagine himself condemned as a murderer, and the young brother as the murdered.

        In their early twenties, the two brothers had developed such massive neurotic personalities, they were forced to undergo prolonged psychiatric treatment.

        Pure and simple, a child does not need a detailed clinical description of death but he or she needs to be included within the framework of a family fighting for stability.

        He or she needs to be able to look back, at this troublesome time and remember that while there was sorrow there were also friends who cared and warmth that was demonstrated.

        It isn't easy because the adult is also having a difficult time adjusting but still...       

        ...one of the first things to communicate is that there is no  right or wrong way to respond to death.  We are all different human beings and no child should be made to feel his reaction is somehow out of the ordinary.

        Until about 5 or 6 a child's thinking is quite literal which means that if the deceased is elderly it is a simple enough to say that the person's body wasn't working right and the doctor couldn't fix it.

        Children this young quite often have a difficult time dealing with the fact that the individual isn't coming back.  So just be patient and keep calmly explaining.

        And don't use euphemisms' such as "they went to sleep."  The child may take this literally and become afraid to go to sleep.  If you have a strong faith this may well be a good time to use phrases such as "they have now gone to be with Jesus" or "they're in heaven now."

        Should a child be taken to a funeral?  Talk about what happens at a funeral and let them decide.  That the deceased will be in a casket and there will be a lot of people crying and they are allowed to cry.  And that people will be talking about the deceased and that will be sad and joyous all at the same time as they share memories. 

        And do not force to them to look at the deceased and certainly don't force them to kiss them.

        Explain any mourning rituals that will take place. 

        If you are too grief stricken to do such explaining chose someone you trust; a family member or friend or your minister.

        In the midst of all this grief the child may feel as if their world is falling apart.  Assure them that you are there to take care of them and that everything (except for the loss of the individual) will largely be the same.

        There may well be financial challenges but this is certainly not the time to bring it up.

        Despite everything you do a child may have a radical change of personality; become moody, began to have worse grades, etc.  If this happens, don't just ignore it. 

        Now is the time to consult doctors, professional counselors, support groups, mental health organizations,

                As your child grows older and moves into their teens the best thing you can do is to encourage their giving words to their grief.  By middle school they can truly understand the finality of death.

        All of these statements across are based on average responses...and none of us at any age are necessarily average.

        So  a caution...just be considerate and when in doubt listen with patience more than you speak up with ignorance.

        And encourage them (if they are readers to read some books on grief)  and particular Bible verses.

        And yes allow your minister to share his or her considerable experience and expertise.
 
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TO GO TO COLUMNS WRITTEN ON go60.us  BY NEIL...CLICK ON THE URL BELOW
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          THEN CLICK ON "VOICE" AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE...THEN CLICK ON "MEET OUR WRITERS."

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Below is a quote from Rev. Wyrick's 9th book THE SPIRITUAL ABRAHAM LINCOLN.

      It is little wonder that once the war was over, wretched memories fed anger loud and long.  Neither side could be proud of some things that happened during the war or at their many prison camps.  The meanness in some men had multiplied.  They felt their uniforms allowed it.

Andersonville, or Camp Sumter as it was officially known, in southwest Georgia is remembered as one of the worst. 

By the end of the war, it had held 50,000 prisoners on a piece of land no larger than twenty-six acres. 

Some men had called pits in the ground their home.  During its short fourteen-month existence, 13,000 soldiers who had survived in battle died in captivity under the most terrible conditions. 

When the war was over the superintendent was hanged.

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      WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING ABOUT THE BOOK

       "Positive, powerful utterances...skillfully enhancing our understanding and appreciation of Lincoln while revealing the Divine source of his strength."

       Lt. Colonel C.A. Olsen (Ret.) Asbury College (Professor Ret.)

       "The Spiritual Abraham Lincoln is an extremely well written book that investigates what might be termed the spiritual side of President Lincoln. It's both scholarly and very readable. I came away impressed at Mr. Wyrick's portrayal of the President and with an altered and enlarged vision of the man:'

       William Hoffman, Award winning fiction writer; author of Blood and Guile, and Wild Thorn

       "Wyrick has authored a wonderful examination of the spirituality of one of American history's most devoutly religious leaders...a pleasant and readable book that has a rich depth of information."

              Maynard Pittendreigh Presbyterian minister

        "When it comes to invoking religion in support of any of their decisions, politicians need to sit at the feet of Abraham Lincoln. Reinhold Niebuhr once called him 'America's greatest theologian.' Why so great? Because he invariably distinguished between human works and the works of the Almighty. As Wyrick says, 'He wore the mantle of humility easily: because he was more impressed with what God was doing in the world than with what he, president of the United States in the midst of an awful crisis, was doing. That is why in his last major speech he distinguished between both human causes in the Civil War and the Almighty's 'own purposes.' Lincoln would have agreed that it is better to leave God-talk out of politics than to decorate human proposals with divinity. This is a book for our American time. Through his careful study of Lincoln's career, Wyrick compels us to remember that piety belongs in politics only when piety transcends politics."

       Dr. Donald W. Shriver

       Emeritus professor at Union Theological Seminary in New York. Author of An Ethic for Enemies: Forgiveness in Politics

        "V. Neil Wyrick's fine work allows the reader to appreciate Abraham Lincoln's Christian commitment and his prophetic role in American history. Should have a wide readership."

       James H. Smylie Professor of Church History (Ret.) Union Theological Seminary, Richmond, Virginia

       "Neil Wyrick's The Spiritual Abraham Lincoln should be read by anyone attempting to understand the man who was probably the most complex person to ever hold the office of president of the United States. Dr. Wyrick is intent on demonstrating that the spirituality so often expressed in Lincoln's writings and speeches was not merely lip service to a Deity, but rather expressions of a profound faith in a real God. It was this faith that provided the wisdom, compassion, insight and sometimes steel that Lincoln would need in full measure as he led the United States through the Civil War. Dr. Wyrick's clear and unpretentious style of presentation is very much in keeping with the character ofhis subject, and in so doing, Wyrick makes his point very well that Lincoln, his beliefs, and the faith that formed them, are as relevant to a troubled America in 2004 as they were in 1863."

       Daniel Allen Butler, author of "Unsinkable"; The Full Story of the RMS Titanic, The Lusitania and The Age o f Cunard      
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      Neil also writes for go60.us to check out his writings...

            CLICK ON  www.go60.us   IT WILL TAKE YOU A NEW WEBSITE FOR SENIORS....

       click on "Voice" on the home page and then on the list of authors click on Neil Wyrick

Recent articles Rev. Wyrick has written for this web site are:  REFLECTIONS


·         Here Comes Summer (July 2012)

·         Spring (May 2012)

·         Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow (April 2012)

·         Wayward and Windy (April 2012)
 
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      Some of the sermon titles posted recently on Wyrick's Writings

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BELOW ARE MORE QUOTES FROM NEIL'S RECENTLY POSTED SERMONS on Wyrick's Writings

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A QUOTE FROM THOUGHTS POSTED ON MY OTHER BLOG WYRICK'S WRITINGS ENTITLED

       Two stores faced each other across a very busy street.  Their owners were in constant competition with each other.  One day, the owner of one store put out a sign that read – If you want it, we have it!

Almost immediately the other owner put out a sign –If we don’t have it, you don’t need it!     

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      Click on the URL below to WATCH NEIL IN HIS WORLD FAMOUS ONE MAN DRAMATIZATIONS OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN, BEN FRANKLIN, CHARLES WESLEY AND MARTIN LUTHER


       To Order and Read Neil's 9th book THE SPIRITUAL ABRAHAM LINCOLN

       GO TO amazon.com

       QUOTES ABOUT THIS WONDERFUL INSPIRING INFORMATIVE book

       STILL RECEIVING RAVE REVIEWS 8 YEARS AFTER IT'S PUBLICATION.

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