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I wish there weren’t difficult people. I wish I weren’t allergic to the emotional toxins they spread. I wish they didn’t sometimes make my mind go in circles and my stomach go to ulcers.
Maybe if I had the patience of Job and the Wisdom of Solomon, I wouldn’t be irritated. But since I live in the river of life I must learn to make friends with the crocodiles. I must seek to make rainbows in the midst of other people’s thunder.
“It isn’t always what you must do but it is always what you must become,” a wise old minister once said to me, “Compassion is an empathetic brief exchange of souls.”
Early
in my ministry when I would be confronted by a difficult person I would
immediately ask myself, “When was the last time you were difficult to
deal with?”
When I had gotten that tone in my voice or that look on my face. Then I would remind myself that when people irritated me I too could show it. Or
as a ministerial friend cautioned me early in my ministry, “Neil, we
ministers can be patiently judgmental and that can be as bad or worse
than a vocal eruption.”
Whether a minister or lay person, DF’s (Difficult People) come in all kinds of emotional shapes and sizes. Most are sprinters, not marathon runners so wait them out until they run out of fuel. “Build on resolve and not regret,” cautioned the late Adlai Stevenson. Some blame and bluster at the top of their lungs. Some sneer softly and drop sarcasm. Others seem innocuous in their complaints but beneath lies a seething anger.’
The
beginning of a solution? I long ago learned that questions rather than
direct statements can smooth the edges of any debate or argument. “Would you please explain?” got the same answer as an argumentative reaction; it just wasn’t as heated.
I have also noted down through the years initiating dialogue can show concern and gain insight. “John, it seems we have been at odds recently.” The implication is that things have been better in the past. Sometimes, this is a stretch but a worthy one. “Is it something I did? Something I said?” Then speak of “stumbling blocks” a phrase that has a better connotation than “problem” “trouble” “difficulty” “disagreement.”
If verbal dialogue doesn’t seem appropriate or one is uncomfortable with this approach, a written note helps. “Dear John/Jane, I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said and you have a number of good points (praise). However, I wonder if you’ve considered my idea. As your friend (positive affirmation) I need your friendship and our ability to be able to agree to sometimes disagree.”
It is impossible to receive a positive response from everyone. Some people really are permanent DF’s Still, when friendship is hopeless, friendliness is not.
A sense of humor helps. “Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come,” counsels the ancient Chinese proverb. Overcome negative feelings toward the DF’s of the world with the wisdom of wit. Even if you do not always find spring, it will help you to withstand the winter of their discontent.
The next time someone is giving you a hard time, wherever for whatever reason, try the following experiment. “Visualize a large bucket of love. In your mind’s eye, pick up that bucket, walk over and slowly pour its entire contents over his head. Then imagine the liquid love dripping down and forming puddles at his or her feet. The ludicrousness of the situation will work like a healing balm and may save you from making a fool of yourself. After all, one fool in a room is already one too many.
As I grow older and my experience deepens I have become more and more convinced that a closed mouth gather no foot. That is, having less to say gives less change for one’s foot to enter one’s mouth. In short, soothe problems rather than stir them.
I long ago came to a conclusion I wish were not true, all rumbles cannot be quieted. But, I also have learned that when there is a problem I should not try to be another one.
Posted today, 2nd. in Series on TWO JOLLY GREEN GIANTS;LOVE AND FORGIVENESS
Some recent topic titles on his other blog, Whrick’s Writings are:ONE LOG ON A FIRE, TWO JOLLY GREEN GIANTS; LOVE AND FORGIVENESS, WISDOM IS.WHAT IS HAPPY,60 PLUS AND NOT HOLDING
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A Quote FROM Rev. Wyrick’s 9TH BOOK “THE SPIRITUAL ABRAHAM LINCOLN”
When
a president continues to think and speak this way, often commenting on
sin and mercy more like a preacher than a politician it is worth taking a
second look. When he called out for, “with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right,” 2 he did not just show humility. Rather he asked for a national self-examination and that God might be at the center of such evaluation.
Why concern ourselves with spirituality as against the
equivalent of a political science degree? What real difference does it
make that Christianity needs to be up front and center in the lives of our leaders? Because the very freedoms and style of living we enjoy come as gifts from Christianity.
Before Christ walked this earth and set up a new standard of humanity, life in the Greco-Roman world was cheap and expendable. Killing of infants was readily accepted. Child abandonment was commonplace. Abortions and suicides were widespread and legal. Its corrupt belief system became the mother of chaos. It is, therefore, little wonder Rome fell. And America
can fall just as easily if it forgets that religion can survive without
freedom, but freedom cannot long survive without religion.
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V. Neil Wyrick’s ninth book THE SPIRITUAL ABRAHAM LINCOLN and is available at MAGNUS PRESS. (For some unusual books visit their Web Site)
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